We Tend to Accept What We Think We Deserve!

Trrrrriiiiiingggg…. “Hello” , I said picking up the call from this unknown number. There was a lot of noise in there, and I was quite very sure the person at the other end could barely hear me speak. I screamed out my throat and said “helllloooo”, and I heard a bare shaky voice, hardly able to utter a word.. I was numb for a while and I thought I should just give some time to her..

I couldn’t really understand what was wrong, amidst this silent conversation, I now knew that there was something wrong. After about a min the voice continued, still shivering she said “ all the painful things what he did to me, I thought I will surely do to someone else, just because I can enjoy the feelings he had after putting me into that shit, but who knew that I would fall into this whole shit again”. I was startled, and before I could utter a word the voice continued.. now a little sturdy than before.. “Everything was shattered and I didn’t want to collect those broken pieces of my heart. I thought I was getting over him .. but it was more like my perception and not the hard core reality. I just had tamed my heart and mind in that way”.. and the voice paused.. I did nothing but acknowledged with a hmmmm..

There was silence like never before, and in a matter of few seconds, the silence was broken with all the weeping and wailing.. she started to read out a letter which she found in her closet.

“My love,

We surely did go through a lot in our  years of togetherness. The courting stage and spending every moment together. I driving all the way till your house just to spend five mins or just to get a glimpse of you.. and to exchange smiles.. Every time I pass through that street, I cant tell you the extent to which I miss you. How you used to make me wait there for hours and then finally you arrive, giving some vague reasons and no matter how angry I would be, that made me smile. Damn, you knew every trick to bring a smile on my face!

But the fights we had were the worst. I loved you so much. Seeing you angry at me, for every single thing, hurt me real bad. I was being shattered every single day. I’m angry at myself for failing to change because I still wait to feel you in my arms again. Through all the bad things we faced, we certainly did have some wonderful times though. We made the best of every moment.

When we broke up, I said it was because I saw what we were doing to each other. The pain I was causing you and pain you were giving me, I wanted it all to stop, because I loved you enough to do that. I can see now that I love you enough to do anything to stop that pain. Instead of letting me go I wish you could have stopped doing things that hurt me and we could be together. I was looking for peace and serenity and when i realized it was no more there, I feared that you wouldn’t love me.

Well, it had to be about me someday.. you have torn my life apart..it was loving you and feeling betrayed, feeling like I poured my heart out for you, begging you to be there, but you never cared. Ive now learnt to live, half-alive, so i don’t want you to come back for me.. Don’t come back at all.. I know we can never be together.. but this is killing me. God, I miss you so much, even if it means we can never be together.

-Love, as always,

Your Love”

And she burst into tears. I could hear her sobbing and I was absolutely clueless on what I could do.. wish i could just give her a tight hug.. I could feel the pain she was going through and I wept along with her. She paused for a while. There was silence again.

She asked me “why nice people choose to love the wrong people?”, why do i choose to love people who treat me like nothing.. and I said “Because we tend to accept love, we think we deserve!.. most of the times, forgetting we deserve a lot better” .

This was the first sentence I spoke in the whole 30 min call. The very instant at which I completed my sentence, the voice at the other end said “hello”.., this time it was more like a confused one. . Only then did she realize that all this while she opened the pages of her life to a complete stranger. It was then she realized that it was a wrong number! and before i could say something,, she hung up..!