A stroll down the memory lane!

Perhaps I just don’t give enough time to myself but I am happy! I said to myself. I have this weird way of forgetting things just because I don’t want to remember them. Does that mean I am running away?

It’s Christmas and had been to a mall and I see everyone clicking pictures with the Snowman, the Santa, and the Christmas tree along with their friends. I stood there for a minute and I realized, I was alone, but I said to myself yet again, I am happy!

I just happened to drive through that way and it took a stroll down the memory lane, recalling the good old happy days.  God! I was happy I said to myself. Did I just say I was? That freaked me out.

I came back home and I stumbled on the photographs, it kind of made me laugh and it took me way back, back down the memory lane. I saw happiness and pain. I was happy I thought... I am so gone astray. Where am I now? Sometimes I choose to not look back because that would make me realize that I am lost. I am now all by my own and would be lost at the pace at which life is taking me. It’s tearing me apart.  I get scared at times, is this all? 

I am petrified and I don’t want to look back down the memory lane... Coz I thought I was happy then. Yes, I was!

She is the one who loves you the most- Love her back!

One saying which I strongly believe is that “God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers.” .. The mother’s touch.. Nothing can replace a mother’s touch. The touch of a gentle hand that is placed on our foreheads when we are down with fever, Vicks swiped across our tiny nose when we have cold, the anxiety they have until we return back home from a late night party or a hand that reaches out to us when we cross the street.. When things are not going right in her child’s life, nobody else will bother but the mother will always be worried. She will have a fear of unknown which we misinterpret as possessiveness.  We all have noticed this.. We all know that our mother does this for us, but most of the times we bury these thoughts in the back of our minds and as we grow up we tend to replace these with the new ones without even looking back and appreciating all that our mother has done for us.

I looked into a mother’s eyes and I could see her remembering all the good times she once had with her beloved daughter. She tries to look forward but her mind goes back.. she wants to know where she went wrong.. She wanted a way to fix this… she wanted to fix this broken glass and she tries hard.. she tries hard to protect it from shattering because for her all that matters to her is her daughter alone for she is her love, the love of her life, she is her family.. the very reason for her existence but all she gets is being blamed all the time..

No matter what our mom say or do, we feel that she can never seem to do right. What is most hurtful is that we start blaming her for everything wrong in our life since we are unable or unwilling to take the responsibility for our actions or consequences. We children often do it to our mom’s. It happens to mom’s all over the world. We fail to understand the battles that she is been battling and we tend to make such harsh accusations on her causing her tremendous amount of pain. We expect them to be perfect when we are nowhere near to it.

Mom’s never proclaim themselves as the best mom’s because they feel that they have failed everytime we cry..  they never want us to cry and whenever we did, their eyes too would be moist and still she tries to be strong just for us. That’s the love she has for us and she only hopes that we too feel that love for her, we too will adore her completely, we too shall love her at last…

We children are no less than knives because we may not really mean to cut, but eventually all we do is CUT.. but our mother still cling on to us. That is the love of a mother. We definitely cannot give her all that she has given us, but we can atleast love her in return…Not all mothers are the same. Some are the kissing mothers and others are the scolding mothers but the love that they shower on us is just the same. The unconditional love..! She is the one who loves you the most- Love her back!
Love and respect your mom when she is there... because once she is gone, you are over...

We Tend to Accept What We Think We Deserve!

Trrrrriiiiiingggg…. “Hello” , I said picking up the call from this unknown number. There was a lot of noise in there, and I was quite very sure the person at the other end could barely hear me speak. I screamed out my throat and said “helllloooo”, and I heard a bare shaky voice, hardly able to utter a word.. I was numb for a while and I thought I should just give some time to her..

I couldn’t really understand what was wrong, amidst this silent conversation, I now knew that there was something wrong. After about a min the voice continued, still shivering she said “ all the painful things what he did to me, I thought I will surely do to someone else, just because I can enjoy the feelings he had after putting me into that shit, but who knew that I would fall into this whole shit again”. I was startled, and before I could utter a word the voice continued.. now a little sturdy than before.. “Everything was shattered and I didn’t want to collect those broken pieces of my heart. I thought I was getting over him .. but it was more like my perception and not the hard core reality. I just had tamed my heart and mind in that way”.. and the voice paused.. I did nothing but acknowledged with a hmmmm..

There was silence like never before, and in a matter of few seconds, the silence was broken with all the weeping and wailing.. she started to read out a letter which she found in her closet.

“My love,

We surely did go through a lot in our  years of togetherness. The courting stage and spending every moment together. I driving all the way till your house just to spend five mins or just to get a glimpse of you.. and to exchange smiles.. Every time I pass through that street, I cant tell you the extent to which I miss you. How you used to make me wait there for hours and then finally you arrive, giving some vague reasons and no matter how angry I would be, that made me smile. Damn, you knew every trick to bring a smile on my face!

But the fights we had were the worst. I loved you so much. Seeing you angry at me, for every single thing, hurt me real bad. I was being shattered every single day. I’m angry at myself for failing to change because I still wait to feel you in my arms again. Through all the bad things we faced, we certainly did have some wonderful times though. We made the best of every moment.

When we broke up, I said it was because I saw what we were doing to each other. The pain I was causing you and pain you were giving me, I wanted it all to stop, because I loved you enough to do that. I can see now that I love you enough to do anything to stop that pain. Instead of letting me go I wish you could have stopped doing things that hurt me and we could be together. I was looking for peace and serenity and when i realized it was no more there, I feared that you wouldn’t love me.

Well, it had to be about me someday.. you have torn my life apart..it was loving you and feeling betrayed, feeling like I poured my heart out for you, begging you to be there, but you never cared. Ive now learnt to live, half-alive, so i don’t want you to come back for me.. Don’t come back at all.. I know we can never be together.. but this is killing me. God, I miss you so much, even if it means we can never be together.

-Love, as always,

Your Love”

And she burst into tears. I could hear her sobbing and I was absolutely clueless on what I could do.. wish i could just give her a tight hug.. I could feel the pain she was going through and I wept along with her. She paused for a while. There was silence again.

She asked me “why nice people choose to love the wrong people?”, why do i choose to love people who treat me like nothing.. and I said “Because we tend to accept love, we think we deserve!.. most of the times, forgetting we deserve a lot better” .

This was the first sentence I spoke in the whole 30 min call. The very instant at which I completed my sentence, the voice at the other end said “hello”.., this time it was more like a confused one. . Only then did she realize that all this while she opened the pages of her life to a complete stranger. It was then she realized that it was a wrong number! and before i could say something,, she hung up..!