A stroll down the memory lane!

Perhaps I just don’t give enough time to myself but I am happy! I said to myself. I have this weird way of forgetting things just because I don’t want to remember them. Does that mean I am running away?

It’s Christmas and had been to a mall and I see everyone clicking pictures with the Snowman, the Santa, and the Christmas tree along with their friends. I stood there for a minute and I realized, I was alone, but I said to myself yet again, I am happy!

I just happened to drive through that way and it took a stroll down the memory lane, recalling the good old happy days.  God! I was happy I said to myself. Did I just say I was? That freaked me out.

I came back home and I stumbled on the photographs, it kind of made me laugh and it took me way back, back down the memory lane. I saw happiness and pain. I was happy I thought... I am so gone astray. Where am I now? Sometimes I choose to not look back because that would make me realize that I am lost. I am now all by my own and would be lost at the pace at which life is taking me. It’s tearing me apart.  I get scared at times, is this all? 

I am petrified and I don’t want to look back down the memory lane... Coz I thought I was happy then. Yes, I was!

90 Days of HOPE!

Day 85

“I will call you later” Hope said. It was his birthday and she had called him in the midnight to wish on his birthday. But ofcoz it was his birthday and it seemed like many of his friend’s call was on wait. So she said, I think you should take their calls, we can talk tomorrow. He said, “No I will call you later”, for which she said” you have fun, we can talk some other time, but he insisted, “ No, I want to talk to you and will call you later” , but seems like “the later” never came till date. She tried doing her bit to make his birthday special but all she got was a rude response and zero appreciation. She was perplexed. She was totally clueless for why hope was acting like a chameleon.  It was indeed the last time they ever spoke.

Day 1

She went online after a real long time, and that marked the first day. Somehow, there was a conversation happening between them( they were schoolmates). They soon exchanged nos. and went up a level from Facebook chat to whatsapp chat. Hope then even called her and they had a decent conversation over the phone that night.

Day 2- day 20

They continued to whatsapp every single day. Their days usually did not begin without greeting each other for the day and it only ended after they wished goodnight. This continued for quite sometime.

Day 20- day 60

There was no single day when they didn’t talk to each other at least once in a day. It could be when he was back from work, or may be when he was stuck in the traffic or when his friends were partying outside. They somehow had so much to talk. With days, they emerged to be great friends. Both of them believed that “it’s nice to remain single” and steered clear off from the relationship thingy. However, both felt good talking each other, wherein most of the times he was cribbing about his work, sometimes about the stupid traffic, and sometimes about the delicious food I used to savor at home. It seemed to be a ritual for her to pull his legs only to see him give up with a flat answer saying "you win"!  She so enjoyed doing that.

At present

It definitely took her to those days because the smile said it all. Her smile faded in no time, coz she didn’t want to be reminded of that. For, now she decided that she would never get close to anyone. The faith which she had eventually developed for friendship had now started to fade.

Day 61- 84

Things weren’t the same anymore. Reduced were the calls and the messages. Looked like they had decided to stay away from each for very own reasons. Good for both she thought.

Day 86

She waited almost till the end of his bday but didn’t get to hear from him. She knew there was something that’s not going right. That’s why she tried calling him the next day just to find out if everything was ok.  But he never answered; she even left him a message for which she never got any reply.

Day 87- 89

Only she knew how restless she was during these two days. She asked herself” I didn’t have any high expectations! did i??” because all she wanted was his reply. She only wanted to know what made him to just call it quits. She hated herself for that.

Day 90

She typed a last message to him on FB thinking hundred times before she could send it and then finally she sends it for one last time and swore to herself that she would never text him or call him again. She silently hoped that their paths would never cross.  She was hurt this time, awfully hurt not because he went away but because he went away JUST LIKE THAT. After a long time she tried to trust someone only to end up allowing him to hurt her. She realized she had it enough, it was time. It was now time to close the 90 day chapter with HOPE!

At Present

There she is today, back to her cold self.

It will never happen again.! ( I think so..) :)

I knew this girl, but I always chose to remain away from her, for she had weird group of people lingering around her, and honestly, she had a real peculiar style of laughing. It was during the final year of engineering, I happened to get formally introduced to her through my childhood friend.

I then, dunno how, we happened to meet again. I still remember the day, I first went near her house to pick her. That was the first time she sat with me on my vehicle. (Lucky girl, from then she is been getting this opportunity to enjoy the activa rides!). I think, I said, god.. your roads are terrible. Man,. It was so damn dusty! We even planned a birthday for our friend together. we went shopping for the gift and to my surprise she actually considered my opinion. From then, she was officially my friend.  

Days rolled by, and the bonding became even more intense. We met every single day. We started going for walks to the stadium, every day to lose those extra kilos she had and still continues to have. ( and poor me, I had to walk along with her)

I still remember the day when I said, see there goes an aircraft up in the sky, and she looks up and sees it and says.. wow! Can u believe it.. :P

But, let me cut this crap now and come to the point. That’s how she wants me to be now. Huh!Techie.. no time to even take a chill pill and ends up taking all her frustrations on poor people who love her like mad, and that makes me the worst affected.

Where do I even begin? I suppose saying “I’m sorry” is a start.

I’m sorry.

Looking back, I can’t believe that I repeated the same mistake, yet again. (ok, I know ull ask me to tell what my mistake is. “yes, I didn’t pick ur call, and its not the first time Im doing this)

But I suppose hindsight is always 20/20. I am stupid and I wasn’t the friend that you expected me to be. Even if I explain my actions, it still doesn’t justify that I do some pretty hurtful things. I hope you can forgive me for what I did and put this matter behind us. I treasure our friendship and all the things we’ve done and been through. And hopefully, what transpired can become one of those incidents that make our bond stronger than ever.  If you have anything on your mind regarding this, please feel free to share it. I promise to listen to all your repeated scolding’s, before I speak. ( Although, I am tired. Please pick new words this time.. :P) It’s the least I could do if you’re willing to forgive me. You know how to contact me.

Till date I do not know why we are even friends! I love you Boddi..

“I hate it how your best friend dumps you when they find their new, best friend."

Falling out with friends is more traumatic than breakup. Surely, people come and go but friendships are supposed to last forever, right? I strongly used to believe that. Err, but I was so so wrong. 

By some means, after repetitive incidents that happened in my life, I have vagueness about the whole idea of “best friends”. Sometimes, you just have to face the reality. So, what happens when a person doesn’t even smile back at you who once used to be your best friend? It never occurred to me to think about it until one day. It was that day, when I noticed that my friendship with my childhood best friend.. started to fall apart. 

We had been together since LKG till class 9.  I thought we would always be there for each other. Little did I know that I was so wide off the mark. I felt that I should try to fix things but once you start speaking a different language, there’s not a whole lot one can do about it. It’s a call. It’s an alarm that it’s time to part. 

Something similar happened to me. We were not just friends but best of the best friends. Our friendship was not only known to all in my primary school but also in the high school. We were tagged as “the best friends”. To justify this, let me begin with a small episode. This was when I was in 1st standard and my school timings were from 8AM to 1PM. But every Saturdays I had my dance class, which started soon after class. So much did I plead her to join the dance class but she didn’t. Atlast I quit my dance class because we both had a common school auto and Saturday was the only day when I could go with her in my auto till her place and then my auto uncle would drop me home. (I would miss this chance, if I continued with my dance class) and mind you this is dated back to 1994. Such was my commitment .

We were put in different classes in sixth standard. We were crying, and the hollers didn’t end. But then we decided to take the same language as our elective and hence would be in the same class in class eight. And so did it happen. Finally we were back. I thought we were back for good but I had no clue what I had in store for me. Days rolled by, and I was in the TT team, and I badly wanted her to be a part of the team. I started carrying two TT bats, and taught her to play TT and ensured that she was the part of the girls TT team of my school as the 3rd player. We won the district level match but according to the rules, only first two players from the winning team could go to state levels. I tried my best but rules are rules and I had to abide by them.

But different was the situation when I returned from the match. She had changed her place, and was sitting with her NEW best friend. I was shocked, but still I went to her and I smiled at her. She smiled back but half-heartedly. Since I was absent for more than three days, I had lot of notes pending. I asked for her notes and she flatly denied. That was it. I never asked why? I never asked her why she changed her place, or why she doesn’t want to smile at me, or why she denied giving her notes to me. I just told to myself, she was not worth my friendship.

When my best friend, started to become the person that I hardly knew, I asked myself, do I even know this  girl? 

Friendship fall-out is painful. Ask the people around you and they’ll tell you that friends are as important as family. She alone was equal to my family. I needed her. I was all alone without her. It was hard to wave goodbye to my friendship that lasted for a decade.

No matter what reason she would give in, it’s hurt to end it. Either she had done the dirty on me, or we just simply grew apart. I think in my case, She and I had gone into our own separate ways of thinking. 

But it was a lesson learning experience.

A friend in need is a friend to be avoided.